“After dropping a new album last year under his Nachtmystium moniker, I had a sneaky suspicion Ken Sorceron would bless us with a new Abigail Williams record this year. And, sure as shit, A Void Within Existence is here. I’ve been covering this outfit for some time now, thankfully, after their spell in the metalcore realm. And each new album continues to push new boundaries, inching closer to grabbing the counter by the balls and dragging it through blackened muck.” Ms. Williams wants MOAR.
“For those unaccustomed to this iteration of Gaahl, Gaahls WYRD is far removed from the black metal directions of Gorgoroth and Trelldom. While there are moments of classic, second-wave assaults, Gaahls WYRD employs folky avant-garde atmospheres to envelop the listener in an immersive album experience. Though it can be hard to tell on GastiR – Ghosts Invited. Thankfully, Braiding the Stories pushes the envelope even further than the debut album.” WYRD play.
“Finally, with my head pulled from my work’s dismal sphincter, I set off to pen a review of Bear Mace’s newest offering, Slaves of the Wolf. As the Sugar bear licks the shit from my hair, and tickles my ballsack ever so gently with his grizzly claws, I dive straight into the wolf’s den to see what all the fuss is about. To my wondering eyes appears… a motherfucking blood bath.” The Bear maximum.
“While Poland’s Sexmag and new album, Sexorcyzm, sound like a new addition to the Lordi sump of ‘metal,’ they’re far from it. Tagged as a death-thrash outfit, this little foursome is surprisingly fun and versatile for what they do. I’d go even further than these two genres and pin old-school 80s heavy metal to their influences, which adds a beautiful depth and uniqueness to their sound that I haven’t heard in some time. I mean, it’s still as slimy as Midnight, but there be much fun on Sexmag’s debut album. Buckle up, fuckers, we’re about to get sexy.” Dirty mags and genre tags.
“In their heyday, we were blessed with remarkable albums like Evangelion and The Satanist. The latter is one of the best black/death albums of all time. Yup, I said it. Since then, the band hasn’t quite lived up to the mastery of The Satanist. But, I would argue that it’s impossible. Now they’re back with a toned new album that, per usual, celebrates our Heavenly Lord much like Pontius Pilate did in ancient times. But, who’s really The Shit ov God? Spoiler alert: it’s you.” Biblical pile.
“While they’ve never had the success of their Polish heathens, Perun V.’s crushing guitars and Vader-esque vocals continue to lead the charge, prolifically releasing albums to their dedicated fanbase regardless how many times someone, like Steel Dick, calls them ‘Behemoth Jr.’ This year brings Bellum Regiis, Hate’s thirteenth fucking full-length album. Jesus. And, as fans would expect, it’s massive, spitting venom and rumbling daycare facilities like a panzer just rolled into town. But, will ole Grier love it or Hate it?” Hate is a toxic emotion.
“As far as I can gather, this two-person outfit was a collaboration between vocalist/guitarist Philip Vargas and bassist John Ramirez, who fronts the one-person progressive death outfit Parasite. The only thing missing is a drummer. So, they bought a computer and did some shit. Prophecy is a brief record that tries to push the boundaries of thrash, technical thrash, and death. The result is a riff machine with harmonizing guitar leads and vocals in the vein of Pantera and Throwdown. It’s an odd combination of elements that could be an absolute hit or a thrash fire behind Albertson’s. Either way, its thirty-six-minute construction should at least get you through your morning coffee shits.” Wisdom, fools, thrash fires.
“If you take a step back—maybe a big one—Machine Head’s career is a rollercoaster ride through hell. And not always in a good way. After getting off to a good start and dropping two of their best records, dark clouds began to gather. The Burning Red rain came down on our heads, and the floods of the Supercharger drove torrents of radio-friendly, rap-metal destruction through the streets. Yet, they overcame and rebuilt, marching Through the Ashes of Empires and, ‘Clenching the Fists of Dissent,’ putting The Blackening on ‘From This Day’ forever. Or so we thought.” Head games.
“As of 2022’s Diversum, In the Woods… has pretty much combined all their genre influences into one. In some cases, it works; in other cases, it’s a touch messy. That said, I think I liked Diversum more than Ferox because I thought the individual songs came together nicely to create the album—though there were obvious issues with some of the tracks. Some of it might be the new singer on staff. Or, it could be the songwriting as a whole. But Fjellestad is a solid addition to the crew, returning once again for this year’s Otra. The question is, will we see another side of In the Woods…, or will they finally reel in their influences to release something stunning?” Woods package!
“While most people reminisce about classics like Dusk and Her Embrace and Cruelty and the Beast, the latter half of the band’s career includes stellar albums like Godspeed on the Devil’s Thunder and Hammer of the Witches. So, for all the shit talking, CoF hasn’t slowed down since their naughty birth in 1991. With a new guitarist and female siren on the roster, The Screaming of the Valkyries is here to keep the sexy alive.” Bringing filthy back.
