“According to an informative biography, Mr. Wilson—a traditional metal aficionado and Warpriest mastermind—played in a few unnamed bands in the early ’90s before starting a family and giving up music for several decades. A couple of years ago he dusted everything off to mess around in Garageband, and his attempts to refine the results are what became Warpriest. Seldom is a band’s conception story so audible in the music.” Good thing they brought a healer.
“If you don’t know Jeris Johnson, let that horrendously edited self-portrait that would feel like a masterpiece of character design on Nintendo 64, like Lara Croft’s pyramid boobs, really sink in. For the uninitiated, he’s that guy who partnered with Papa Roach for a “reloaded” version of “Last Resort;” he did a collaboration with Bring Me the Horizon for a remix of “Can You Feel My Heart.” For the initiated, he is big on YouTube and TikTok. For his first full-length Dragonborn, you might be confused about what exactly this album sounds like. I’ve repeatedly spun it, and I remain confused.” Dragon, why do you cry?
“One of the best things about living in Europe is the ease of access to hundreds of amazingly varied locations within a few hours of relatively cheap travel, traversing borders, languages, and cuisines. One of my most favorite destinations is Tromsø in Northern Norway; a grand coastal city with modern amenities ensconced in the beautifully bleak Scandinavian wilderness. It makes for a great hub to discover scarcely-touched lakes, waterfalls and mountains. A little band called Dreamslain hails from Tromsø, and their second full-length album is called Forge of Rebellion.” Dreams in the wilderness.
“We’ve all said, done, and worn things we aren’t necessarily proud of. Pants with legs that can hold a family of five comfortably? Yepper! Wallets with chains longer than an average CVS receipt? Been there, done that, got stuck on way too many things walking by. What I’m saying is that… well, in all of our lives, some cringe has happened. It’s unavoidable, yes, but we’ve moved on. Or at least some of us have. That leads us to the self-titled debut from masked Montreal “funeral doom” duo, Kapnas. All we are is dust on the weed.
“Last time we met Cursed Excruciation, we were smack-talking sole member Trance of the Undead for his creatively titled main project Trance of the Undead. Blackened death to the core, it boasted just enough tasty dungeon synth-inspired keyboard abuse to add a flavor of old-school kvltness. On paper, it all sounded great; the problem was it just wasn’t, uh, good. Lack of variety met monotonous guitar tone with the same riff repeating ad nauseam for seven tracks. Aside from a serious bite that initially hit like a crowbar to the knees, the hype very quickly died out. Well, imagine if Trance of the Undead thought brutality was soooo last week, removing all teeth and energy in favor of something sounding “ominous.” Let me introduce you to Cursed Excruciation.” Cursed and damned.
I’ve listened to a lot of metal. I’ve listened to a lot of very average metal. I’ve listened to some pretty bad metal. Despite all this, I was simply unprepared for Ajna. You see, Ajna is on another level entirely. True story: “Because of Ajna, I could not complete the train journey to work this week. It was halfway through my 5th listen when something cracked. “Why would the Boss Ape force this upon me?” I mused. “Is this a test of my loyalty?” If so, it was a stern examination. The pointless sound effects; the bizarre vocals; the bite-sized, jittery riffs; these all congealed into a force that simply overwhelmed my brain. I could no longer compute, and the only response was to laugh. So, I did. I howled and cackled and coughed up my coffee.” Small horse, big confusion.
“The downside of being one of the longer-standing writers is a failure to adapt to our new system of promo selection. If you don’t claim promo on the day it becomes available 1 month in advance of release, you’re left with nothing but the dreck and the chaff. For what I can only assume is its “horror metal” tag, and the fact that there’s never been a good “horror metal” release, Sickseed’s Goregeous was one of a great many promo left in the pool for my selection. I won’t pretend there was any design or deliberation in my choosing it; it was a symptom of necessity and my own tardiness.” Freedom from choice.
“For a relatively young genre, metal has found its fair share of adherents who quickly discovered their musical niche and haven’t budged from that sound. While this applies to both listeners (I’ll proudly wave the tattered OSDM banner until the day I die) and practitioners, it’s most noticeable with new and emerging bands not only harken back to a particular sound, but actively refuse to grow beyond it. Much like the Vogons in the immortal tome A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, these bands refuse to evolve. This may merely be my own bias showing, but this phenomenon seems to be most pronounced amongst the black metal set. Ever committed to all things trv, it would appear these corpse painted cretins believe that metal peaked somewhere around 1993. So when I picked up Viserion’s debut Natural Selection, I was understandably apprehensive.” Status woe.
“Hello there! Hope you are enjoying the sunny weather in scenic California, and thank you for submitting Contemporary Tragedy, the second full-length (and third release) from your one-man post-hardcore outfit, These Colors Fade. Going from the supplied materials that accompanied your submission, Contemporary Tragedy took over 800 hours to write, perform, produce, and mix. That’s an impressive feat! More and more, we’re seeing talented one-person bands crop up out of the woodwork, going toe-to-toe with the heavyweights in contemporary metal music. With the costs of production and promotion starting to drop considerably, there’s never been an easier time to record, mix, and promote your music.” The color of tragedy.
“What’s in a name? That which we call a poser by any other word would be unhalled. What’s Tragedian? It is nor fun nor epic nor soaring nor uplifting nor any other part belonging to a power metal band. But a name it is, and a foreboding one still.” Tragicomedy.
