“Great, for my first review of 2015 I have a cold. My head is a slime factory, and some genius cephalic operations manager has decided that the best place to store the snot-stock awaiting delivery to my nostrils is behind my eardrums. I’m fortunate that the band I’m reviewing is Desolate Shrine, then, as their ultra-dense death metal is one of the few things powerful enough to penetrate through the aural mucus wall.” Tastes like death, but it’s snot.
“Honestly, I haven’t been excited for a new release from The Crown in a long time. For one, the quality of their releases has slowly declined since their epic Hell Is Here debut back in 1999.” These cats have an uneven history with more than their share of lineup issues, but they’re back and we have opinions (and some of them are silly).
“What’s in a name? If you’re a certain AMG staffer whose name starts with a D and ends with an iabolus in Muzaka, it means the urge to rush headlong into reviewing a band you’ve never heard of without bothering to hear a single note.” The man just can’t resist modern thrash from Israel, but who can?
“Somewhere on the outskirts of progressive music, amidst waves of 9-string trendhoppers and unbearable Dream Theater knockoffs, exists the entity known as Beardfish.” We never miss a chance to take a shot at poor old Dream Theater. It’s a lifestyle choice, really.
“There is a duality I struggle with any time I have to write a review. As a critic, I listen to an album and try to find the good things along with the bad. As a musician, I know that criticism stings. If you’ve read more than one review here at AMG, you know that we don’t write fluff. We don’t pander to the labels or the bands. It’s our mission to be unmerciful.” Lots of hand wringing and Hamlet-esque internal struggles went into this review. Angst Rating: 9.5.
“Sylosis have been one of the few bands bridging ‘popular,’ festival-headlining, metal with self-proclaimed high-brow or underground metal in recent years. You’re just as likely to encounter flat-cap toting hipster types as you are long-haired, neck-bearded ‘purists’ in the crowds of one of their gigs.” The state of modern metalcore isn’t great, but these blokes look to change all that, or distance themselves from it.
“As someone who writes music reviews, I take pride in being able to craft together a 450-550 word essay on why you should pick up an album, or why you should avoid it entirely. Keeping the reader on their tippy-toes while painting a vivid picture for your eyes and ears to digest is a great joy of mine. However, as the world aged by a year this week, I too have added another year to my existence. In doing so, I’ve realized that there comes a time where you have to dispense with the hyperbolic bullshit and just call it as it is.” Such a comment is rarely the prelude to something positive.
“A little confession: I chose to review the appallingly-titled 23 Acez sophomore effort in a bout of vindictive malice after grappling with a particularly hateful Spanish literature essay. I was pissed off and envisaged venting on a poor rock band just trying to make their way in the world.” We hate, because we care. Not about you, but other important stuff.
“Being my first review of 2015, I think it’s fitting that I wish all the AMGers out there a Happy New Year. May it be filled with joy! Conversely, I have two words for 2014: fuck you.” Before we embrace the shiny new year, Dr. A.M. Grier has to air some grievances. He also reviews some interesting black metal.
“What better way to start 2015 than with a smack in the face by 120 lbs. of steaming, internally conflicted cheddar? That’s right, Battle Beast is back after their disappointing eponymous album, and they sound even more confused than when they made the dubious leap from the raucous, over the top Euro-power of their wondrous Steel debut to hair metal influenced pop-power.” Head of a lion, wings of a bat, feet of limburger.
